


Death's Myth

by steph7of7



Series: Second Time Around [4]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: F/M, M/M, Severus Snape lives but not forever, epilogue compliant?!
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-03
Updated: 2018-02-03
Packaged: 2019-03-13 04:43:19
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 19,364
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13563072
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/steph7of7/pseuds/steph7of7
Summary: Harry said, "I want to name him Albus Severus."  Ginny barked a laugh, which turned into a giggle.  Harry stayed quiet, and she looked at him.  He was biting his lips.  "Oh, you're serious," she said.





	Death's Myth

**Author's Note:**

> DO YOU WANNA KNOW WHAT I DID. DO YOU. DO YOU. I wrote a little story that makes this whole universe fit in with canon 1,000,000%**. From now on, in my head, this is what happened. As it was in the beginning, is now, and ever shall be, world without end, amen. 
> 
> ** Fitting in with canon 1,000,000% means that if you take one hundred things in this story, one million of them fit with canon. Which is, like, _awesome_. If you're keeping score at home, you can write down: 1,000,000% = _awesome_. 
> 
> Murph, by the way, disagrees with that equation. She thinks that 1,000,000% = _not interested_. Well, we have some philosophical differences. She thinks that the purpose of fanfic is to take the story and _make it better_. I think that the purpose of fanfic is to take the story and _make yourself okay with it_.

*o*(O)*o*

PART I: GINNY

/o/(O)\o\

Ginny completely understood Harry's relationship with Severus, and she thought it was good for both of them. After all, Harry had been a mess after the war, and Severus had helped to sort him out in a way that no one else could have. 

At the same time, Ginny didn't understand why Harry would ever want a relationship with Severus, and she thought the way her husband clung to the foul and hateful man could be unhealthy.

But in the end, it was what it was. She supposed she could have had a worse father-in-law than Severus Snape. It was a bit odd that he was married to Neville--which meant that her date to the Yule Ball back in 1994 was effectively her step-father-in-law. But Harry never seemed to think about it in those terms, so maybe it was only weird if she made it weird. 

So, mostly, when it came to Severus, Ginny kept her opinion to herself. The man himself was respectful of Ginny, and never interfered with her relationship with Harry, and had, on more than one occasion, knocked some sense into Harry when he was being particularly thick. 

But then she and Harry decided to name their second child Albus Severus. 

/o/(O)\o\

When she was pregnant with James, she and Harry decided to not find out his gender. They wanted to be surprised, they told everyone--but it took a lot of self-control to not try a _tiny_ charm or maybe just do a _little_ harmless ritual magic. And on top of all of that, Harry had kept calling the baby a _he_ and Ginny kept insisting it was a _she_ , mainly because she wanted Harry to be wrong--and then she was a little disappointed that James was a boy. Not that he was a _boy_ , but that Harry was right, again. 

It was infuriating, if only a little bit. 

So, when she found out she was pregnant again, she waited until she told Harry, and immediately did the charm before he could use any prophetic third-person pronouns. 

_A boy_. She was filled with wonder and love and all sorts of maternal things--and she would get angry at her body for filling her up with hormones that forced her to feel this way, except that it felt so _right_. And then it occurred to her that she hadn't even asked Harry if he wanted to know, and so she looked up from her still-flat belly and saw Harry.

His eyes were filling with tears and his chin trembled. Ginny was speechless. 

"A brother," Harry said roughly. "Jamie is going to have a _brother_ , and he's going to be a _brother_." 

"Oh, Harry," Ginny said, and pulled him into a tight hug. She held him for a few moments, then wiped her tears that her stupid _hormones_ produced without her consent--wiped them on Harry's shoulder without apology, because all of her tears--literally all of them--were his fault on every level. And then she pushed him away by the shoulders. "Enough of that, Potter," she said firmly. "Your childhood was shit, but your kids are going to do better. We've already decided that, so stop being a twat about it." 

He nodded. "Kids, plural," he said. 

"Yes, our two boys."

Harry's chin started to tremble again.

"Ah, ah!" Ginny said. 

"They're happy tears!" Harry insisted, as they fell down his cheeks. 

Ginny sighed, and wiped his cheeks. "You," she said firmly, "are a plonker." 

He hugged her again. "I'm sorry you can't be happy that I'm happy," he mumbled into her hair, and she laughed. 

After they put James to bed that night, they made love slowly. Ginny cried as Harry moved inside of her and looked at her like she was the only person--the only thing--the only _one_ that mattered. "I love you," she whispered. 

"Ginny," he whispered, and came with a shudder. 

Afterwards, they lay side-by-side on the bed, holding hands and looking up at the ceiling. "Those tears just now were happy tears, right?" Harry said. 

"No," Ginny said. "They were hormonal tears. Pregnancy tears. I will be a blubbery mess for the next several months, so prepare yourself."

"I remember," Harry said, because he was a twat. 

"I held it together rather well last time, thank you very much!"

"Hm," Harry said, because he wasn't a total idiot.

They were silent for a few minutes, then Harry said, "I want to name him Albus Severus."

Ginny barked a laugh, which turned into a giggle. Harry stayed quiet, and she looked at him. He was biting his lips. "Oh, you're serious," she said.

"It's stupid," he said.

"It is," she agreed. "But if you still want it anyway..."

"It's just--"

"Hush," she said. "As long as you know it's stupid, but you want it anyway, then it means something to you. It means a _lot_ to you. ...Albus Severus Potter?"

"Is that child abuse?"

"...It's...close."

He rolled to look at her, propping his head on his hand. "I'm serious, Ginny."

She scowled at him. "You just sprang this on me and I'm thinking about it. While I think about it, I make jokes. And Albus Severus Potter is just...ripe for jokes."

He flopped onto his back. "It is," he agreed to the ceiling.

"But it's better than Severus Albus Potter, which shows me that you've put a little thought into this, at least."

"I have."

"And Albus isn't _so_ bad, and people don't generally throw around middle names."

"They don't."

"And we could call him Al. Jamie and Al. Al and Jamie. 'Al! Put up your shoes!'"

"'Al! Time for dinner!'"

"'Put on your coat, Al!'"

"'Albus Severus, you apologize to your mother this instant!'"

"Oh," Ginny said. "That has unexpected weight."

"Doesn't it?"

She narrowed her eyes at him. "Harry Potter, did you make sweet, sweet love to me tonight in order to soften me up for this conversation right here?"

He narrowed his eyes back. "Ginevra Weasley Potter, how _dare_ you accuse me of something so insidious."

"You did!" she giggled. "Merlin's _pants_ , you _did_ , you absolute _troll_. And I know it, and you know it, and I know you know it, and it's working anyway!"

"It's because I'm good," he said, and he kissed her cheek. "I'm good at the sex," he clarified, and waggled his fingers at her.

"Yes, but _Albus Severus Potter_."

"I am _so good_ at the sex."

"The sex was _nice_."

"The sex was so good that you would name your second-born son anything I asked for right now."

"Well, it's only my second-born. And I can always have more children."

"You can have more children because I am _so good_ at sex."

"More children with better names."

They looked at each other and started giggling. 

"So," Harry said. "Albus Severus?"

"Ask me again tomorrow, you twat. When I'm not riding high from the effects of your sweet, sweet love-making."

But in the morning, Ginny was already thinking of the baby as _Al_. She couldn't even begrudge Harry for it, either, because she found that she actually liked it. 

_Jamie! Al! Time to get up!_

But when Harry asked her, "Have you thought about what we talked about last night?"--all she could think about was her mother's face when she told her 'Albus Severus Potter.' Or Hermione's face: 'Albus Severus Potter.' George's face--Gwen's face--All of these faces in her mind, scrunched up as if they'd just smelled a fart but were too polite to say it out loud. 

"Albus Severus Potter," she said to Harry, and his face softened into a sweet, longing smile. She sighed. "Okay," she said. "It's mad. But I love you with all my heart."

"And?" he prompted.

"And you are pretty okay at sex."

He pumped his fist. 

"Let's not tell anyone I'm pregnant yet, yeah?"

"'Course not," he said easily. "Way too early for that."

( _Ron's_ face. 'Albus Severus Potter.') "Way too early," she agreed weakly.

/o/(O)\o\

It wasn't until two days later that she thought of Severus's face: 'Albus Severus Potter.' He didn't look like he'd smelled a fart. He looked _murderous_. Probably similar to the look on his face when he'd murdered Albus Dumbledore and _how was it that Ginny hadn't put that together immediately, sweet Merlin_ , she left Jamie in his room, barely remembering to put up some repelling charms on the door so that he couldn't wander off and Floo-called Harry even though it was the middle of the day. 

"Ginny!" he said in surprise, and not a little fear. "What's wrong?"

Her adrenaline was pumping and she was sweating a little bit, which suddenly seemed all out of proportion when confronted with Harry in his Auror robes and his neat little tie. She realized she was panting, and calmed her breaths down. "Sorry, Potter, it's nothing," she said.

"I'm coming through," he said.

"No! No, I'm not kidding, Potter, I just overreacted to something and--I called you without thinking. I promise you, it's nothing."

"Weasley, I'm not kidding, I'm coming through. Budge over."

It made no sense at all for Harry to come through, but she knew she'd scared him and she was angry at herself for acting without thinking. She scooted over and sat back against the wall as the Floo flared and Harry burst into the sitting room, and she was crying real, honest tears of frustration. 

"Ginny? Gin, what's the matter?" Harry kept repeating. 

When she could catch her breath, she said, "Shut up, Potter, I'm mad at myself because you felt you had to come here."

"I wasn't busy," he said, which may have been true, so she chose to believe it.

"What's wrong?" he asked again.

"Albus Severus Potter," she whispered.

Harry paled immediately. "Is everything okay? Do you need a Healer?"

Ginny almost laughed at how stupid her problem was in the face of Harry's worry. "No, no, like I said, I just overreacted. The name, Harry--Albus Severus Potter. When are you going to tell Severus?"

"Oh," he said. "You're okay?"

"Yes, you overbearing ninny, I'm fine."

"James is fine?"

She looked upstairs, then waved her wand to cast an eavesdropping charm. "He's fine."

"The baby is fine?"

"Merlin's tits, Harry, here's what happened: I imagined Severus's face when we told him about the baby's name, and then I remembered--as if I had forgotten, really--that Severus cast the Killing Curse on Dumbledore--but I don't think that _Severus_ has ever forgotten that for a moment and--and--" and she was crying again. "And I called you because it's kind of awful to think about."

Harry didn't say anything, and when she looked up, he was slumped over on the couch. 

"I know, I shouldn't have called," she said miserably.

He shook his head. "No, you're absolutely right, about everything. How about we name him...Jeremy Todd Potter," he said. 

She laughed incredulously. "Jeremy Todd? That's... _terrible_ , Potter, all of the orgasms in the world couldn't make me agree to that, and how could you do that to poor little Al?" 

Harry looked at her with an unreadable expression. "Ginevra, I'm going to confess something to you, and I don't want you to repeat it to anyone, ever."

She sniffed, and started patting down her robes. "I know I have Rita Skeeter's Floo address around here somewhere," she teased weakly.

"Ginny. I never once considered that I would have to tell Severus the baby's name. And I didn't think about--that night on the tower--"

Ginny got up from the floor ungracefully and walked over to the couch. She sat down next to Harry but didn't touch him. "You've always done things without thinking them through, Potter. But it's too late now--this baby is already named Albus Severus. And you need to tell Severus, before we tell anyone else. And someday, you'll have quite a story to tell Al about his namesakes."

"Don't be stupid, Gin, and it's not like we have to name him Jeremy. What about Hugh? Hugh...Allan. Hugh Allan Potter."

"Potter..."

"'Hugh! Don't forget your mittens!'"

"Potter."

"Or Allan Hugh! We could still call him Al!"

"Harry. Touch my belly."

Harry gave her an odd look, so she grabbed his hands and placed them low on her abdomen. "Our baby is growing in there, our son. He's part of you and he's part of me. He's Jamie's little brother. He's in there, right now."

Harry looked at her in awe. Ginny kept talking. "He's going to be born, and he's going to grow up and have colds and fight with Jamie and draw us pictures and accidentally set the cat on fire and hug us goodnight and grow up to be a fine young man in spite of everything, if we're all lucky.

"What's his name, Harry?"

Harry blinked at her. "Albus Severus Potter," he said with conviction.

She nodded. "You have to tell Severus."

Harry heaved a sigh. "Will you come with me?"

Ginny groaned. "Go back to work, Potter."

"Tonight, then. Will you go with me tonight?"

She narrowed her eyes. "If you can think of some incentive for me."

"I'll give you my favorite Chudley Cannons commemorative Quaffle," he said without missing a beat.

"Curses, Harry Potter! You've always known my weakness!" 

He kissed her nose, and she scrunched it up. "Sorry for calling you in the middle of the day," she said.

"No worries," he said. "And, for the record, I think your panic was well-justified."

Just before Harry left through the Floo, Ginny called out to him, "Hey, Potter. I'm telling Ron that you're regifting his Christmas presents to you."

"You do that, Ginevra Weasley, and you will have to pry that Chudley Cannons Quaffle out of my _cold, dead hands_." 

That afternoon, Ginny had had the presence of mind to send an owl ahead to Severus that simply said, "I hope it's okay if Harry and I stop by for a visit after dinner tonight." Severus was an astute man; he might take one look at the note and understand that Ginny was pregnant again and that Harry had decided to name the baby Severus Snapey McSnape Potter. And it was a girl. 

So maybe he'd be pleasantly surprised.

/o/(O)\o\

The evening didn't go well. Jamie was fussy and Severus obviously wasn't feeling well--he had a terrible cough and kept up a barbed commentary with Neville that cut a little too close to the bone for Ginny's taste. Before they'd even sat down, Severus had a coughing fit that nearly doubled him up and left him watery-eyed. It scared Jamie, who buried his face in Harry's neck and cried. 

"Don't mind me," Severus rasped. "It's from prolonged exposure to poorly brewed student potions."

"Har, har," Neville said. "As if the fumes you breathed in today have nothing to do with it."

"Prolonged exposure," Severus said, and cleared his throat noisily. "Besides, correctly brewed potions aren't lethal, Longbottom, which you wouldn't know." Ginny couldn't tell if it was just Severus's raspy voice, but his words sounded...venomous. 

She shuddered at the thought and shared a look with Harry. Harry shrugged and shifted Jamie to his other hip. 

Neville seemed to notice they had company. "Have a seat, please, and don't mind Severus. He's just a deeply unpleasant man."

Harry laughed, and they all sat down. Harry turned Jamie around in his lap. "I remember. Jamie remembers, too, don't you Jamie? Mean old Grandpa Sev."

"Me Wumpa Seb," Jamie agreed through his tears. 

"How long have you been coughing like that?" Ginny asked.

"Soon after Longbottom's first year at Hogwarts."

"I've been trying to get him to see a Healer," Neville said, "but--"

"But it's just a cough and Neville is overbearing," Severus grumped.

" _But_ he likes to forget that his entire throat was destroyed by a magical snake less than a decade ago, and there may be some lingering problems in his airway." Neville shot Severus an exasperated look.

"Oh, god," Harry said. "Do you think it's related--do you think it didn't heal properly?"

"Not you too, Potter," Severus said wearily. He turned to Ginny. "Ginevra, how are you this evening?"

She was fine, thank you. Her stomach was a little acid. She could use a spot of tea. "We're naming our next baby Albus Severus Potter," she said, and didn't entirely regret it when the room got quiet. 

Neville finally broke it. "Albus...Severus."

"After you, Severus," Harry said, to clear up any remaining confusion on this point. "And Albus. Dumbledore." Severus blinked at him a few times. "Oh, god," Harry said quietly. 

"Why," Severus said slowly, "would you saddle a child with that legacy?"

His voice was so deadly that Jamie started crying again. Harry pulled him to his chest and patted him on the back. "To _honor_ you. And him," he said fiercely. 

" _Honor_ me. You would honor me better to let that name die."

"And to forget everything you've done?" Harry hissed.

"Yes!" Severus roared, as best he could, and started coughing again. Jamie began to wail in earnest.

Severus recovered from his coughing and set in again. "You would curse a child with that name! He would be reviled and scorned, malformed and monstrous--a plague..."

Ginny stood up, slowly. Severus noticed and trailed off in his rant. 

She held up a finger. The men watched her, transfixed. "One: you will get over yourself, Severus Snape." She held up a second finger. "Two: you will _NOT INSULT MY SON!"_ Thunder clapped and wind blew through her hair, and she hadn't meant to do that at all, but she didn't regret it. She walked over to Harry and picked Jamie up from his lap, and carried him from the room and left the house and Apparated back home. Harry could fight that battle on his own; she would do as she pleased and damn the whole world if need be, and certainly damn Severus Snape.

She had calmed Jamie down and was getting him ready for bed when there was a timid knock on the front door. Jamie looked at her.

"What do you think, James?"

"Wumpa Seb," he said sadly.

"I think you're pretty smart, kid," she said, and tousled his hair. "Are you going to be okay on your own, or do you want to be part of this?"

"Okay, mama."

There was another knock. She sighed. "I wish I could do the same, kid. I'll say hi to Wumpa Seb for you."

She went downstairs and opened the door. It was Severus of course, who looked almost sheepish. "Potter made me come," he said. "He wants me to apologize to you." 

Ginny looked him up and down. "James says 'hi.'"

"Hi Wumpa Seb!" Jamie yelled from the top of the stairs. 

"Hi," he said weakly.

"Are we done conveying messages now?" Ginny asked.

Severus frowned. 

She tried again. "I mean, do we need to start exchanging words of our own, or are we done?"

He looked off to the side. 

She sighed. "Come inside Severus. Can I get you some tea?"

"No, thank you," he said as he stepped through the door. She made them both tea anyway, and when she gave him a cup, he latched on to it gratefully. 

"Are you going to give me a more elaborate apology, or..."

"I'm dying," he blurted. And then words kept coming out of his mouth like a dam had been ruptured. "I went to a Healer when I started coughing like this, and she took one look at me and said there was nothing she could do, it was old damage from the Dark Lord's snake, and I thought she was a fool, so I went to a second Healer, and a third, and it's such a waste, because I would have welcomed death at the time--I did welcome it, but now I've built a _life_ and how can I tell Neville, and it only makes sense, doesn't it, because I couldn't die when it was fitting, and now I can't live when it's fitting." 

He put his face in his hands. 

Ginny didn't know what to say. "Have you talked to Neville about this?"

"No, of course not! I can't tell Neville!"

"Severus...I think he's guessed."

He looked horrified, but then Ginny thought of something more devastating, and it made her throat clog with tears. "How are you going to tell Harry?" she whispered. 

"You have to," he said.

Ginny leaned back in her chair and looked at the ceiling.

"Severus," she said without looking at him, "Harry has watched more people die than I care to think about. But they all were murdered in front of him." She looked at Severus, who was looking away. "Think about that. When he was a baby, he saw his mother murdered right in front of him."

"Stop," Severus said quietly.

"He saw Sirius murdered. He saw Dumbledore murdered. He saw _you_ , murdered."

"Stop," Severus said more firmly.

"And you somehow came back from the dead, and you became his father. God knows, Harry Potter had better father figures in his life before you, Severus Snape, but you were the only one who managed to come back from the dead. And now--Merlin fuck, James calls you Grandpa. Harry wants to name his _son_ after you, Severus. His _son_. And your name is _Severus_."

Agitated, Ginny stood up and started pacing the room. Severus eyed her warily. "Murder is not natural, Severus, but death is. And Harry has never had a chance to learn that, and lucky you, you're going to get to teach him that.

"You will tell him that you're dying. And we will _honor_ you by naming our son after you." Tears sprang to her eyes, and she swiped at them angrily. 

"I may never meet him," Severus said. "Albus Severus. I may be dead before he's born."

Ginny leveled her gaze on him. "Then you'd better tell Harry soon. He needs to come to terms with this."

They were quiet for a while. "I have to tell Neville, first," Severus eventually said. 

Ginny grabbed his hand and squeezed it. "I'm sorry, Severus. Truly."

He pulled his hands into his lap and cleared his throat. He shook his head. "How do I tell Neville?" he said, and sounded so lost that Ginny didn't know what to say. 

So she blurted. "Make love to him. Tell him you love him. Then tell him you're dying."

Severus snorted. "I'm sure that if Harry were dying, he would do the same thing and you would be fine with it."

She wanted to make a joke, she _did_ , she had _such a good joke_ to tell about this very thing--but it was all too close and too real and she felt more tears spill down her cheeks. "Oh, Merlin, Severus, don't say that when I'm carrying his _child_."

Severus didn't apologize to her, but he did look terribly uncomfortable, which was close enough. "Congratulations, by the way," he said. "I didn't say it earlier."

"Thanks," she choked. 

"And thank you," he ground out, "for the honor...that you bestow on me...by--"

"Stop it, Severus," she said, and threw her arms around his neck. "You are a git and a pillock and I don't know why Harry likes you so much."

"I can't say the same about you," he said gruffly. 

/o/(O)\o\

When Harry came back, Ginny was crying into her hot chocolate. 

"Aw, Gin," he said. "Was he that bad? What did he say? He wouldn't tell us."

"No, Harry, he was fine. These are pregnancy tears."

"Ah," he said, and sat down next to her. "Neville's worried about him," he said.

Her face crumpled and she did the only thing she could think to do--she crawled into Harry's lap, legs straddling him, and demanded that he hold her as she sobbed on his shoulder.

"Shh," he said. "Shh."

After she'd calmed down a bit, he said, "I never noticed before how much Jamie takes after you."

She socked him in the shoulder, and he just grunted. Wise man. 

"Gin, are you sure this is just the pregnancy? Is everything okay?"

"Potter," she said, and hiccuped. "Shut the fuck up about my emotional outbursts, okay?"

"Okay."

"You just hold me, and let me worry about me. You worry about you," she said, and pinched his arm.

"Ow," he complained, and she pinched harder. "I mean, yes ma'am."

She sat back and grabbed his face in her hands. "Potter," she said, and tried to say something about how she loved him, and he meant the world to her, and she didn't know what she'd do without him. "You are so good at sex," she finally said. 

"Oh, good," he said, sounding relieved. "I was worried that you were about to get all sentimental or something."

"I wouldn't."

"You would," he said. "You probably will. But that's okay. You admitted I was good at sex."

"Yes. You make me come many times."

"And I get you pregnant with my seed. Make you bear strong boy children."

Ginny giggled helplessly. "Get me pregnant with your _seed_ , Harry? Merlin's tits, that is...across the line! I have to call foul!"

"No," he said, and stood up, picking her up by her bum, and she wrapped her legs around him. "You my woman. I protect you. Make you horny with my skilled dirty talk."

She giggled again and hugged his neck tight. "I love you so much, Harry."

"I love you too, Ginny. Even when you become a sentimental sap."

"It's your seed's fault, you know."

"Hm. My seed make you pregnant and also emotionally confused."

She laughed. Truer words were never spoken. 

/o/(O)\o\

That night, Ginny dreamed that she told her dad she was pregnant. He hugged her, and when they broke apart, she was covered in his blood. Her dad apologized. "It's just my old wound," he said, pointing to his ribs. "Nothing to worry about; this happens from time to time." Then he lay down on the floor and died.

Ginny woke up in a cold sweat. She managed to wait until morning before she visited the Burrow. It was well before Harry went to work--she told Harry that she'd had a nightmare about her dad and had to check on him. When she arrived at the Burrow, her dad was still at the breakfast table. 

"Dad," she said without greeting, "how are your bites from Nagini?"

"Hi Gin, how are you?"

"I'm fine, Dad, do the wounds ever bother you?"

"How are Harry and James?"

"They're fine, Dad, have you ever had a Healer look at them to make sure they're still okay?"

"Good, I'm glad to hear it. Why are you suddenly so concerned with something that happened a decade ago?"

"Dad, I just...I had a dream, okay, and I came here because I need to know you're not going to die from an old snake bite, okay? So please, indulge me. Are those wounds bothering you?"

Her dad sighed and sat back from the table. "I'm not dying from them, no. They do bother me occasionally, but the Healers have said that bites from a magical snake like that are probably going to flare up for the rest of my life--but just as an annoyance, really, Gin. The last time I went for a check-up was about a year ago, and they were more worried about this spot on my arm, look." And he rolled up his sleeve and showed her an odd-looking mole on his forearm that looked slightly greenish. 

"That's gross, Dad," she said.

"I know, but they told me to keep an eye on it, and it hasn't turned purple or started to smell like cabbage, which were the warning signs they told me to look out for."

"That's...good."

"Why the sudden concern, Gin?"

"I told you, I had a dream."

Her dad sniffed. "Gin."

And that's how easily she broke under her father's masterful interrogation. She told him everything. About the pregnancy, about Albus Severus, about Severus Snape, about how Harry didn't know yet. It wasn't until she was done that she remembered to ask where her mum was.

"She's puttering about, like every morning. Don't worry, I put up a Muffling Charm." 

"Oh, thanks. I mean, it's not like I don't want her to know, of course, but..."

"But you are meant to be carrying all of these secrets but sometimes they just spill out."

She breathed, in and out. Her dad was an amazing person. "Thanks, Dad."

"Gin," he said, and stood up and hugged her tight. "When good things and bad things happen at the same time, it's hard to know what to feel. When all of those things are secret, well, a person just can't bear that alone. You can come talk to me or your mum anytime, you know. We're here for you."

Because parents were supposed to be there for their kids, no matter how old they were. Her dad seemed to be thinking the same thing. 

He said, "When Harry finds out about Severus, let's not let that be a secret anymore, yeah? Bring him over here as soon as possible."

She could only nod.

/o/(O)\o\

Severus invited Harry to lunch the next Saturday. Ginny sent Jamie to the Burrow and spent a torturous afternoon at home alone, waiting for Harry to return. She wanted to be there when he got home, but the hours ticked by more slowly than was possible. She cleaned Jamie's room, did the laundry, washed the sheets, baked a pie. She burnt the pie, tore a hole in the sheets, and somehow got a red sock mixed in with the whites, which were all pink now. She had no idea how she'd messed up Jamie's room, but she was a little afraid to go back in there to find out. 

Harry trudged through the door at 4:30. 

"How'd it go?" Ginny asked him.

Harry didn't look at her. "It was fine," he said, and went up to their room. 

Ginny sat down and stared at the clock until 5:00. Then she went over to the stairs and called up, "I'm going to pick up Jamie, do you want to come?"

"No, you go ahead," he called back down. His voice sounded muffled. He might have been crying, or the door might have been closed.

So she went alone and picked up Jamie. Her dad asked her how she was. She shrugged.

And then she went home and made dinner. And then she decided to play dirty. "Hey Jamie," she said. "Go upstairs and get your father. Tell him dinner's ready." 

Harry came downstairs a few minutes later, carrying a giggling Jamie like a Quaffle.

Harry was pleasant but distant all through dinner. Ginny was about to burst from it. There was just no good answer to the question "So, Severus did tell you he's dying, right?" so she didn't ask. She did ask what they talked about to make lunch go on for so long, but Harry just said, "Nothing important." 

He didn't look at her when he said it. Was it possible that they talked about nothing important? Or was it possible that Severus had decided to be a total bell-end, in some sort of misguided effort to make Harry so angry with him that he wasn't upset when he found out Severus was dying?

It was possible. It made her crazy; she wasn't sure how many more emotional fits she could blame on the pregnancy. 

That evening, Ron and Hermione Flooed over unexpectedly. Harry was in the kitchen cleaning up; Ginny was in the sitting room with Jamie.

"On!" Jamie shouted delightedly, and ran over to Ron with his arms held up. Ron swung him up and flipped him upside down.

"How's my Jamie-boy?" Ron said, as Jamie laughed. 

Ginny, who had got up from the couch to give Hermione a hug, asked, "What brings you over here tonight?"

"We have news," Hermione said significantly.

"Oh!" Ginny said. "Should I go get Harry?"

"I'm here," Harry said, as he walked into the room to slap Ron on the shoulder. "What's the news?"

Hermione and Ron looked at each other. "We're pregnant," Hermione said. Ron beamed. 

Ginny squealed and hugged Hermione again. "How far along are you?"

"About four months--we wanted to get through the first trimester before we told anyone."

"When are you due?"

"The sixth of February."

"Is it a boy or a girl?"

Hermione hesitated for the first time and glanced over at Ron. "Well," she said carefully, "our baby will have female genitalia." 

Ginny squealed again and went over to hug Ron, who now had Jamie swung over his shoulder. "A _girl_ , Ron! That's so amazing!"

Ron, the great prat, had such a huge smile on his face that it broke Ginny's heart a little bit. "I know," he said with feeling. 

"Not necessarily a _girl_ , as gender identities can be fluid, and we don't want to stereotype our baby too early--"

"Good luck with that, as Ron will have her dressed in the frilliest clothes imaginable," Ginny said.

"Shut it, you," Ron said.

"Lace will be coming out of her _ears_ ," Ginny said.

"Yes, well," Hermione said. "With Ron around, that would be true even if our child had male genitalia."

"Lace jokes are _so old_ ," Ron groaned.

"And yet, not unfunny," Ginny laughed. She looked for Harry, but he was gone. "Oh, damn," she whispered, as her stomach dropped. When had he walked out?

"Everything okay?" Hermione asked quietly. 

Ginny sat down heavily on the couch, and put her head in her hands. "No. Ron, can you do me a favor and go check on him?"

Ron, bless him, acted like this was a normal request--and Ginny supposed it kind of was, if you didn't know the weight of everything. "Sure," he said, and left Ginny alone with Hermione.

Hermione raised her eyebrows at Ginny.

Ginny shrugged. "We've had a lot of life-altering news this week." And then, without any dignity at all, she burst into tears. 

"Oh, Ginny," Hermione said, and sat down next to her and hugged her around the shoulders. "I'm sorry. Do you want to talk about it?" 

Yes, absolutely. But it was all about Harry's insecurities, and Harry's fucked-up childhood and adolescence, and things that she wasn't even completely sure Harry knew about yet, and death, and what happens to kids when their parents die, and what happens to adults when their father figures die, and did you know that Harry's cousin was just a few months older than him?

So, no, she absolutely did not want to talk about any of that. 

So instead, she said, "Do you have any names picked out?"

"Erm, not that I'm ready to share," Hermione said.

Ginny laughed even as she cried some more. She whispered, "I'll tell you mine if you tell me yours."

Hermione got very still. "Ginny?" she said quietly.

Ginny shook her head. "We're not telling anyone yet; it's still too early. You know how it is."

"I do," Hermione agreed. "But you've already picked out names, anyway?"

Ginny shrugged. "You know how it is."

"I do," Hermione said. "Is everything okay?"

"With the baby? Sure."

"Then, what..."

But Ginny just cried harder. 

"Rose," Hermione said. "Rose Alaina Weasley."

"Well, that's beautiful," Ginny said, and hiccuped. "Rose Weasley. I mean, it's kind of girly. Girly like I wouldn't expect from a child with female genitalia and a flexible gender identity."

"It's my mum's middle name," Hermione said. 

"Okay, mama?" said Jamie from the doorway. Ron stood sheepishly right behind him. 

"No," Ginny said emphatically. "I need Jamie hugs right now, so you'd better get over here, kid."

Jamie ran into Ginny's lap and hugged her around the neck. "Oh, that's better," Ginny said, and Jamie beamed at her. 

"I thought we were keeping the name a secret," Ron said. 

Hermione glanced at Ginny, and Ginny just shrugged. "It was strictly quid pro quo, Ron," Ginny said. 

"What?"

"You know, she gives me something, I give her something of equal value?"

"Yes, but--"

"How's Harry?" Ginny asked. 

Ron shrugged. "Says he's just washing up."

"Did he say anything about anything?"

Ron shrugged again. "How are you, Gin?"

"I'm pregnant, Ron. It's a boy. His name is Albus Severus."

Ron looked so thunderstruck that _Albus Severus_ didn't seem to register. He sat down heavily on the other side of Ginny. He wiped his face.

"That is quite a name," Hermione said, but Ginny was focused on Ron. He stared blankly ahead and blinked a few times.

"Ron?" Ginny asked. 

"Harry's cousin is a few months older than him," Ron said. "We're meant to take care of your kids if something happens to you. That's what this is, isn't it." He looked at Ginny. "Harry's worried we won't love your kids if we have our own?"

Ron could be astute, but he was artless. He was absolutely without art. Ginny looked away and wiped a few tears. "We haven't exactly had time to discuss it, _Ronald_. But it's a pretty good guess, I'd say." 

"OI!" Ron said, and got up to leave the room. Then he turned around abruptly and came back and reached down for Jamie. "Come on, James," he said. "Let's go beat up your dad for being a stupid prat." 

James gave his garbled but enthusiastic assent and left with Ron. 

Ginny laughed weakly. Harry was lucky to have a friend as artless as Ron. She looked over at Hermione. 

"Is it too soon," Hermione said slowly, "to ask about _Albus Severus_?"

"I am nearly certain that the name speaks for itself." 

Hermione's face made some odd contortions, and then she took a deep breath as if to speak. 

Ginny stopped her before she could. "It's not a joke, Hermione. I laughed at Harry when he first said it, but he's serious. And we talked about it, and Albus Potter is a fine name, and _Al_ is who our baby is to us, now. And you know what Severus means to him." Ginny got a little choked up at the end, but she made it through and looked away. 

Hermione said, "Jamie, Rose, and Al."

It sounded so right. Ginny smiled. "Jamie, Rose, and Al. The kids."

"How are you going to break it to Severus?"

Ginny laughed. "Oh, Hermione, see? This is why everyone thinks you're so smart. It was three whole days before it occurred to me that we would eventually have to tell Severus the name of our child, and I panicked and called Harry at work. When I told him what was wrong, he panicked and suggested we name Al 'Jeremy' instead."

Hermione wrinkled her nose like she'd smelled a fart. "Oof."

"Exactly. So that night, we went and told Severus."

"How did that go?"

"Probably about how you're thinking."

"Did Severus get mean and quiet?"

"Yep."

"Did Harry get angry and talk about bravery and sacrifice and honor?"

"Oh, yeah."

"Did you hex anyone?"

Ginny cringed. 

"Ginny!"

"Not intentionally! And not directly, either. There was just some thunder. ...And maybe some wind."

"So, it went...not well."

"Oh, Hermione, let's not talk about me anymore--you came here to talk about you. How have you been?"

If Hermione was suspicious of the subject change, she took it gracefully. 

/o/(O)\o\

 

"Harry, you still awake?" Ginny asked in bed later.

"Depends," he mumbled.

"I want to talk."

Harry didn't reply.

So she whispered. "I just thought you should know that Ron and Hermione are good people with a lot of love to give. And your aunt and uncle were cows."

Harry was quiet for a long time, so Ginny rolled over and tried to sleep.

"It's not Ron and Hermione I'm worried about," Harry said quietly.

"Then what?" Ginny asked.

"Me."

Ginny waited for him to elaborate, and eventually, he did. "I love Jamie so much, Ginny. I would do anything for him. I don't think I could ever love anyone else quite the same as that. At best, I could maybe pretend. More likely, I won't even give a thought to the other kid. And I've been thinking about it, and it's just not fair."

"Harry..."

"It's not right to raise a kid like that, Gin."

"Harry, Jamie is real to you. You've held him in your arms. You've wiped his bogeys with your bare hands. Compared to that, Al is just some story I've made up. Wait till you've held him in your arms, yeah?"

"I don't see how that can matter. He would always be second-best because he is already the second son. It would be kinder to...to just end the pregnancy now."

Ginny felt herself go cold. Feeling detached from herself, she very deliberately sat up and picked up her wand from the bedside table. "Lumos," she said, and pointed her wand to Harry. "Say that again."

"It would be better--for all of us, but especially for him--if he were never born."

Harry was deadly serious.

Ginny took two very deep breaths, then got out of bed.

"What are you doing?" Harry said.

"Don't," Ginny warned. "Don't talk to me right now." She Summoned a bag and started to haphazardly shove clothes and toiletries in it as she thought to Summon them from all over the bedroom and bathroom.

"Gin--"

"Harry," she said sharply. "Do not talk. I'm leaving. I'm taking Jamie and we're going to the Burrow. Because even if the next words out of your mouth are an apology, I'm still likely to hex your fucking face off."

"Gin--"

"Silencio!" Ginny shouted, which shut Harry up nicely. But then he started to look frustrated, and moved to get out of bed, himself.

"Harry!" she yelled, near tears now. "I cannot listen to you right now. I have to go. We'll be at the Burrow." She walked to the bedroom door, but leaned her head on it before she opened it. "Harry," she said to the door. "I--maybe I need to get my head on straight, but you--Harry--Al is our _baby. Ours_. You can't--"

But she couldn't even speak the words that Harry shouldn't have said. She opened the door and finally turned around to face Harry. He was sitting on the bed, hunched over with his knees up and tugging on his hair. "I love you," she whispered. "Finite Incantatem." 

"I love you too," he whispered as she walked away. She heard Harry sob, but didn't turn back around. When she woke up Jamie and told him they were going to Granny and Papa's, he sleepily said, "Wumpa Seb?"

She blinked at him. "That wasn't the plan, kid, but you make an excellent point. Tell you what: I'll drop you off and Granny and Papa's, then I'll go see Grandpa Sev."

It was still before midnight; it was possible he and Neville hadn't even gone to bed yet. 

Of course, dropping Jamie off at her parents' home--unannounced, right before midnight--took a bit more explaining that she'd counted on, but probably less explaining that it should have, really. "Here, take Jamie," she said to her mum, who blinked at her from the doorway to the Burrow, wearing a dressing gown and house shoes. Her mum reached for Jamie and then blinked at Ginny some more. "I have to go to Severus's, but I'll be right back. I have to ask him a question or I'll never be able to sleep tonight."

"Where's Harry, dear?" her mum asked.

"I left him at home," she bit out. "He's horrible and I don't want to talk about it right now, not before I talk to Severus first."

Her mum blinked one more time, then said, "See you soon."

"Thanks Mum," she whispered, and Disapparated to Severus and Neville's house in Hogsmeade. She was slightly less comfortable banging on their door at such an hour, so she sent her Patronus with a message for Severus: "Come outside now--I have to talk to you."

Severus showed up soon, also in a dressing gown and house shoes.

"Severus," she said, "did you tell Harry that you're dying?"

Severus blinked at her. "Welcome to my home, Ginevra," he said in a rough, scratchy voice. "Perhaps I could offer you a spot of tea?"

She was so overcome that she sat down--she actually sat down on the stoop in front of Severus's house. "You didn't. Fuck you. You didn't tell him." A joyless laugh erupted from somewhere inside of her. She felt like she wasn't in her own body anymore.

Severus must have felt bad, because he sat down next to her. "Ginevra..."

"Have you told Neville yet?"

"Yes," he said carefully.

"But...what--Harry, why not, you..."

"I meant to today," he said, and it sounded almost like an apology, so she decided to accept it as such. "But he was...preoccupied with something else. It was not the time." He cleared his throat.

_Oh_. The puzzle pieces started to fit. She'd misread everything, but it all made sense now. But the truth was almost more terrible than the hope that she hadn't even known that she'd been carrying until just the moment it was dashed--the hope that somehow, what Harry had said was just a reaction to the news of Severus's impending death. The truth was that Harry's insecurities just ran that deep, was all. 

"Oh, bollocks," she muttered.

And at that moment, Harry Apparated right in front of Ginny and Severus. He looked terrible--his eyes were red and his face was puffy, and he tensed up when he saw Ginny. "Gin--sorry--I thought--"

"Stop," she said weakly. "Just stop."

"Oh, of course," Severus said acidly to Harry. "You told her."

Harry shrugged miserably.

"You are the fool I always took you for, Potter. Ginevra, I offer my sincerest apologies. I gave him better advice than that."

But Ginny's heart was breaking for Harry. The stupid, stupid, stupid man. "Severus," she said as she stood up from the stoop, "there are three things about Harry that you should know: he doesn't take advice; he follows his heart; and--" she looked at Harry who didn't hold her gaze--"and he hates secrets," she finished on a whisper. She looked back at Severus. "Try to remember that, would you?"

She left before Harry said anything else that shattered her. She couldn't Apparate; she was too heartbroken for it. She couldn't even storm off; she was too shaky. So she walked with as much dignity as she could muster to the Three Broomsticks, and used the public Floo there. 

/o/(O)\o\

A few minutes later, Ginny sat crying at the kitchen table at the Burrow with her mum hugging her, and even though she was uncomfortably hot, she didn't want her mum to move away. 

"Do you want to talk about it?" her mum asked.

"It's hard to know where to start, honestly."

Her mum hesitated. "Would it help if you knew that your father didn't actually cast a Muffling Charm the other day?"

Ginny sniffed. "That's...diabolical, but I guess it works in my favor, so...THANKS, DAD!"

"Any time, love!" her dad called from outside the kitchen door. Just as she suspected.

"So," her mum said. "What's got you and Harry on the outs?"

"He-he-he...He doesn't want Albus."

"What?"

"He wants me to end the pregnancy, Mum."

"What--what did he _say_ , Ginny?"

"He said! He said, 'maybe you should end the pregnancy,' and when I asked him to repeat it, he said, 'it would be better for everyone if he wasn't--ever--born.'" It was hard to get out the last bit. It got stuck in her throat, like poison. Like dust.

Her dad had come into the kitchen at some point, and was sitting on her other side, now. She was glad of it, and her mum and dad were looking at each other, like maybe they could think of something that could solve this. Merlin knew, she didn't have a clue.

They asked some clarifying questions that she answered as best she could: Harry had said this just this night; Harry didn't yet know about Severus's condition; and yes, Harry had seemed happy when he first found out she was pregnant. She couldn't be sure, because everything was a bit jumbled up right now, but she remembered how excited he was that Jamie would be a brother, that he would have a brother, and _Albus Severus_ was all Harry's idea, anyway, and then she remembered Harry's eyes when they made love a week ago (just a week ago?) when they'd first found out about the pregnancy.

And then her mum asked if Harry had given a reason why she should end the pregnancy.

"Because it seems that growing up in a house where he was unwanted has left its mark on him," Ginny replied miserably. "He said it's because he loves Jamie so much, and he says he can't love another child the same, and it's unfair."

"You should trust that Harry will eventually follow what he feels instead of what he thinks, Ginny," her mum said.

"But he feels he doesn't love Albus," Ginny protested.

"No, no. He _thinks_ he doesn't love Albus. But his first reaction showed his true feelings. It wasn't until he had time to think that he sprang this on you. After all, it's normal to worry that you won't be able to love a second child as much as the first, and Harry's got more reasons to worry than most. That he's so worried about Albus already shows that he feels protective of him."

"He's got an odd way of showing it."

"He does, Ginny. But you know how he was raised."

She did. 

/o/(O)\o\

PART II: HARRY

-o-(O)-o-

Harry couldn't remember feeling lower than when he watched Ginny walk unsteadily away from him that night. 

"Did you imagine a better outcome?" Severus asked him with narrowed eyes. 

"No," Harry said truthfully. "Only I imagined worse outcomes if I didn't tell her."

Severus sighed at him, which was a relief to Harry. "You've always been a fool, Potter."

"Please let me sleep here tonight."

"Even I can see that's the only viable option for you," Severus said as he walked in the door and waited for Harry to follow. 

Neville was in the sitting room. "Hey, Harry," he said.

"Hey Neville. I hope you don't mind if I crash your sofa tonight."

"Regressed that much, have you?"

Harry sat down heavily on the couch. "Please, not you, too. Let's talk about anything else right now. Severus, you're not coughing as much tonight, that's good."

Severus and Neville shared such a significant look that Harry couldn't miss it, even as preoccupied as he was. It made Harry feel a little desperate. "Oh, Jesus fuck," he muttered, "how is that bad news? How is it bad news that you're not coughing tonight?"

Severus sat down next to him. "Harry..."

"Oh, Jesus fuck, I'm 'Harry,' now?"

"I'm dying, Potter."

A low hum started in Harry's ears and he couldn't hear what was said next. He thought someone must have cast Muffliato, and he was offended but mainly confused as he stood up and his vision narrowed and he suddenly felt really very poorly. 

-o-(O)-o-

"Wake up, you maudlin ponce," someone said from far away. It seemed an odd thing to say when he was so comfortable. He moved his hand a bit and felt...carpet? And it smelled a bit dusty. Someone groaned. He didn't like it, and then he heard the groaning again, which seemed to originate from inside his own chest. 

Things started to fit together: He seemed to be lying face-down, on carpet, on the floor, and groaning. Someone seemed to be berating him for it. 

"Who hexed me?" he asked.

"No one hexed you," said Neville's voice. "You _fainted_ , you plonker."

It was Neville. The other voice was Severus's. Harry was at Severus and Neville's house in Hogsmeade. He'd fought with Ginny. Ginny had taken James and left. Severus was dying.

He vomited on the carpet, and felt immensely worse for it.

"I'll get him a Calming Draught," Severus said wearily. 

Harry's heart started racing. "Wait!" Harry said. "Don't leave!"

"Don't worry about it, I'll get it," Neville said.

Harry blinked up at Severus, who Vanished the mess on the carpet and sat down on the floor next to him. 

"Don't leave me," Harry said again. 

Severus reached out and patted Harry's calf, which made Harry cringe. He pulled away and said, "Don't touch me."

Severus snorted. "You make it very difficult to navigate your neuroses, Potter." 

"It's not--it's not a neurosis." Was it? It didn't feel like it.

"Fine. I feel the inexplicable desire to offer you reassurances right now. Tell me how I can achieve that end."

That sounded very complicated and Harry was still feeling out of sorts. "Can I have some water?" he said. 

At that moment, Neville reappeared with a vial of Calming Draught. Harry sat up and drank it, and it settled his stomach, at least. It didn't help with the crushing dread. 

"You're dying," he said to Severus.

"Yes. As it turns out, I am not immortal."

"But you sound better today than you did last week."

Severus looked away. "I'm brewing a potion that helps."

"But it's not a cure."

"Hardly."

Harry thought about it. "You're dying from Nagini's bite."

"Ultimately, yes."

"How long?"

Severus and Neville looked at each other again. It was enough to drive Harry barmy. "What is it you're not telling me?" he asked. 

"I have a choice, Potter," Severus said. "The coughing fits you heard are caused by my airways slowly being overcome by cursed wounds. No two Healers seemed to agree on how long it would take for the curse to strangle me completely, but we can probably bet that it's between six months and three years. There's a potion that can help, but it's...it's--"

"It's poison, essentially," Neville said.

"It is poison," Severus agreed. "It doesn't kill quickly, but if taken regularly, it will kill within eight to ten months. So my choice is either six months to three years of struggling for every breath, or eight to ten months of relative health."

"You chose poison."

"The end result is the same, Harry."

"I'm 'Harry' again, I see."

"I will die, Harry. I don't have a choice in that. But I get to choose if I survive, or if I live. Neville and I have discussed it. We decided this was the better option."

Harry didn't feel like he could stand up, yet. So he lay back down. "I don't know...I don't know what I'll do...What will I do?"

Severus looked at Neville. "I regret to say that as my surviving spouse, Neville will have to shoulder the burden of parceling out fatherly advice."

Harry looked at Neville as if he was seeing him for the first time. _Surviving spouse_. "Oh, god, Neville. Oh, god, Neville, I'm sorry--what will you do?"

Neville laughed bitterly. "Mourn," he said.

Harry curled up into a tight ball and lost himself in his grief. He had everything when he had woken up this morning, and now it was gone. Ginny, Jamie, even Albus Severus who deserved better than what Harry was capable of giving him--and now Severus. 

"Christ," Severus muttered, and set a glass of water down in front of Harry. "I'm going for a walk."

"Don't leave!" Harry begged again.

"Potter, I'm dying. That means I don't have much time left, and surprisingly, I don't wish to spend a single moment watching you be a melodramatic child, crying about how unfair your life is." And with that, Severus left.

"I think I'm going to join him," Neville said, and walked away. When he got to the door, he turned to Harry. "You coming?"

"No," Harry said, and watched Neville leave. Harry drank some water, then decided to follow anyway. He couldn't think of anything else to do. 

Neville and Severus were only a few houses down the road, and Harry followed behind, wondering if he should try to sneak, or clear his throat, or just jog to catch up. He wasn't clear on the etiquette of the situation. He could see that Neville and Severus were holding hands, and they weren't in any real hurry to get anywhere.

Harry followed them as they wandered aimlessly for a few blocks, and then any option for stealth he might have been considering was ruined as a large silver horse walked up to him. "Harry," the horse said quietly in Ginny's voice, "I love you. I'm worried about you. Do you want to meet tomorrow and talk?" The horse nuzzled his hand and Harry stared at it in wonder, as he always did when confronted with this glimpse of Ginny's soul. It was strong and sure and beautiful. 

"Gin," Harry whispered, as the horse faded away. Severus and Neville were looking back at him. Severus gestured for Harry to join them.

"Expecto Patronum," Harry whispered, and his stag sprang forth. Remus had always said you needed a happy memory, but Harry had always got better results with love, even when he was overcome with sorrow. "Ginny," he said quietly. "I--I'll be at the Burrow for breakfast, if that's okay." The stag nodded and cantered away. 

Severus and Neville were still waiting. Harry walked up to them.

"Is Ginevra ready to forgive you, then?" Severus asked.

"Ginevra might be ready to _not_ cast the Bat-Bogey hex on me by morning," Harry said. 

"I don't know about that. Do you still think it's appropriate to snuff out the life of my namesake?"

When Severus said it like that, it sounded horrible.

"Fuck," Neville said. "Is that what this is about?"

"It's not like that," Harry said. "It's just--I can't--Jamie is--"

" _James_ is more important to him that Albus _Severus_ ," Severus spat.

Harry gaped at him. "I'm not the only one with lingering issues, you know."

Neville looked between the two of them. "You know, I've heard that having two kids is kind of like having one kid, then having another."

Severus laughed. "There. Potter, there it is. Neville can give parenting advice with at least as much authority as I can. What more do you need, really?"

"He may also need advice about women," Neville said.

"There, too!" Severus crowed. "That's you sorted, Potter. Stop whinging about it, then."

"Stop poking fun," Harry said, trying not to whinge. He needed to explain himself to Neville about the new baby. "When I was a kid...Dudley...I..." He wasn't even sure what he was trying to say. "It was bad," he concluded.

"I don't know, Neville," Severus said. "Can you commiserate with poor Potter about his fucked-up childhood?"

"I think I got it, yeah," Neville said cheerily.

"Can we just...not?" Harry said wearily, and walked away from Severus and Neville. He wasn't paying attention to where he was going, but he ended up at the Shrieking Shack, of all places. He sat down against the gate. Severus was right behind him.

"I saw you die in there, you know," Harry said. "You know the worst part of losing someone? It's that you'll never be able to talk to them again. You'll never get their advice on something, or talk to them about something that happened, or ask about something you're suddenly curious about."

Severus rolled his eyes. "I'm here now, Potter. I'm not quite ready for that long silence yet. Did you have something you wanted to say?"

"That's just it, I don't know yet. I mean, with my Dad and Sirius and Remus--I didn't--it wasn't until years later that things occurred to me, things that I'll never know."

"Like what?"

"Like, I don't know, like Remus Lupin."

"What would you ask him?"

"No, that's it, Remus Lupin. The name. Did his parents just name him that?"

It wasn't a flippant question-- _Remus Lupin_ was an odd name, and fairly on the nose, frankly, for a werewolf--but if his parents had the surname "Lupin," and then they named him "Remus," and then he was bitten by a werewolf--well, that was either quite insightful of his parents, or they just tempted fate a little too much. 

But Severus laughed at him again. "The mysteries of the world shall remain mysteries, then," he said.

"Why are you named Severus? Were you named after somebody?"

Severus looked away. "My mum had an uncle named Severus. I'm named after him."

"Did you ever meet him?"

"No. I was told that he was fun and kind."

Harry snorted, but didn't comment. "What's your middle name?"

"Tobias. It's after my father."

"Severus Tobias Snape. That's..."

"Whatever disparaging comment you're about to make about my name, I would like to remind you about Albus Severus Potter."

Harry's mood darkened considerably. "I haven't forgotten about him."

Severus shook his head. "I'm dying, Potter. Let's go back to the house and fix us some tea, and then we can talk about how you slept in a cupboard all those years, and how that means you don't think you can love your second son."

When Severus said it like that, it sounded pretty stupid.

-o-(O)-o-

"Morning, Harry. You look awful," Arthur greeted him at the front door of the Burrow. "Come into the kitchen, we can talk."

Harry wasn't sure he could feel more terrible than he already did, or the thought of talking to Arthur might fill him with dread. As it was, he just followed him into the kitchen and sat down at the table. "Ginny must have told you, yeah?"

"Yes, Harry, and I'm not upset with you. I would like to hear your side, though."

Harry shrugged.

Arthur said, "When Molly got pregnant with Charlie, I was almost angry, you know? We had the perfect family, and a new baby would ruin that. And then I held Charlie in my arms, and I thought, 'Oh, well _now_ we have the perfect family.' And you would think that I would have remembered that when we got pregnant with Percy, then with the twins, and then Ron, and Ginny, but every time, I worried that the new baby would upset the balance."

Harry nodded but didn't say anything for a while. Arthur let the silence sit with them. It was one of Harry's favorite things about Arthur: he didn't press.

"I had a dream," Harry eventually said. "It wasn't--it wasn't any big deal, I was just out with Jamie and Albus Severus. It was just the way I felt. I was having so much fun with Jamie, and then Albus would ask a question, and I would remember he was with us and just be so upset with him. He was ruining my day with Jamie. And I never--I never thought about what it might have been like, for my aunt and uncle, and how easy it is to resent a kid like that, but when I woke up from that dream, I knew it. I knew it, Arthur." He put his head down in his arms. 

"Severus made fun of me, and he makes it sound so stupid--'oh, poor Harry Potter, you slept in a cupboard and now you think you can't love your own child'--but then I remember how I felt in that dream, and I'm just...scared."

"You've got more reason to be afraid than most, Harry, but I met your aunt and uncle. You are nothing like them."

Harry didn't have anything to say to that. He let the silence settle for a bit.

Then he said, "Severus is dying, by the way. He's actually dying from an old snake bite--you remember Nagini." _Of course Arthur remembered Nagini_. Harry stood up so quickly, his chair toppled back. "Arthur!" Panic gripped him again, and he somehow registered that Arthur was talking.

"Harry, can you hear me?"

"Yes," Harry said vaguely.

"I'm fine, the Healers have been keeping an eye on my old wounds, and they flare up every once in a while, but it's fine."

"You're not--you're not--"

"I'm _fine_ , Harry."

Harry tried to breathe in. "My chest hurts," he said. 

"Keep breathing," Arthur advised.

"I'm trying."

"Let's sit you down." He somehow maneuvered Harry into a chair.

"Arthur, the snake--" Harry shuddered as he remembered Arthur's ribs breaking in his jaws.

"Harry!" Arthur yelled right in front of his face, which reminded him he was in the kitchen at the Burrow. "Stay with me, Harry, I'm _fine_. Here, I'm putting some tea in front of you." Harry tried to grope for it--he couldn't see very well--and then he felt hands pulling at his own.

"Don't touch me," Harry said, pulling away.

"I'm sorry, I forgot. Keep breathing, Harry."

"Arthur, Severus is dying from Nagini's bite," Harry gritted out. "You--you--"

"Harry, I'm here. Can you hear me?"

Harry gasped and nodded.

"I'm here, Harry, I'm healthy. The Healers have looked at the bites, and they're fine. They're _fine_ , Harry. Just keep breathing."

"You, too."

Arthur huffed a nervous laugh. "Me too. We'll both keep breathing, deal?"

Harry nodded.

"Do you want me to get Ginny?"

"Yes," Harry said, and suddenly Ginny was sitting next to him.

"So, Potter." Ginny said.

"Gin," Harry said, relieved. He was having a hard time seeing her. He was having a hard time seeing, full stop.

"Close your eyes, Potter, and focus on breathing." He did as she said, as she coached him through his next breaths. 

"You've worked yourself into quite a state," she said.

"Is your dad really okay?"

"He's fine, Harry. He's got a spot on his arm, but it doesn't smell like cabbage so there's no need to get your knickers in a twist."

Harry didn't know what that meant.

"Are you still mad at me, Gin?"

Ginny waited a beat, then said, "You think the middle of a panic attack is the right time for that discussion?"

Harry breathed in and out on his own. "I'm past the middle, I think. And I have to know."

"I love you, Harry. Can you keep breathing and just listen?"

Harry nodded.

"Good. You spoke your heart last night, and it hurt my feelings. It hurt my feelings a _lot_. It made me think that I'd have to choose between you and Al. And either way I choose, I'd lose my family. Do you hear me?"

"I hear you."

"Don't make me lose my family."

"I don't want to lose it, either."

"Then it's going to get bigger."

He shook his head. "It's not. Severus is dying."

"I know. And Albus Severus is getting ready to be born."

"Ginny, what if...what if I don't love him?"

"Then you'd better fake it till you make it, Potter."

"What if I _can't?"_

"Harry, I'm going to touch you, okay?"

"Yeah," he said, and she put her hands gently on the sides of his face. 

"Look at me, Harry."

He opened his eyes. She was looking at him very seriously.

"Now, think about this before you answer. Why are you so worried that you won't love him?"

But he didn't have to think about that. The words tumbled out of him: "Because he deserves to be loved, and cherished. No one should have to grow up thinking they're not loved. It's awful."

"Why should you care, though, Harry? Why do you care about that?" Her brown eyes were wide, as if she knew something he didn't.

"Because I don't want him to go through what I did, okay?" It was getting harder to talk about.

"But why?"

"Because I want better for my son than what I had." It sounded right to his ears, but Ginny still wasn't happy with his answer.

"I'm going to have to just tell you, aren't I?" she said.

"I guess?" he said, bewildered.

"It's because you _care_ about him, Harry."

He shrugged. "Sure," he agreed, automatically. And then he understood what she was saying. He _cared_ for Albus Severus. He wanted to protect him and give him a better life and make sure that he had every advantage; he never wanted to feel like Albus was a burden to him; he never wanted Albus to feel like he was a burden to Harry--and all of this was something very close to love. 

Some of his epiphany must have shown on his face, because Ginny said, " _There_ it is."

"I'm--I'm..."

"A dope," Ginny said.

That wasn't what Harry had been going for, but--"That works," he agreed. He let out a shaky breath.

"All better?" Ginny asked.

"Not even close," Harry said. "But I think I can breathe now."

"Good."

"Is Jamie up? I could use some Jamie hugs."

"I bet we can arrange that."

-o-(O)-o-

But Harry had another panic attack that afternoon. He couldn't help it; he could remember attacking both Arthur and Severus so well.

It was horrible.

When he could talk about it, he told Ginny about his memories. She nodded sadly. "You've got a shit deal, Potter. But you know it wasn't your fault, right?"

"I know that. But...I can remember attacking them so...deliberately."

"You remember _Voldemort_ attacking them so deliberately," Ginny shot back.

"That's not...that's not how it felt."

"Oh, Harry," Ginny said. "That's not how _Voldemort_ felt. How do _you_ feel about it?"

He shuddered. "Terrible."

"Which is how any normal person would feel if that fucking wanker dickhole got inside _their_ head."

"You're very wise," Harry said.

Ginny pulled her shoulders back. "Voice of experience, and all."

"Yes, I know. It would actually make me feel a lot better if you had more panic attacks."

"Oh, Harry," Ginny said sadly. "I'm a lot tougher than you, though."

A laugh escaped Harry, and it felt really good. Then he stopped and looked at Ginny guiltily. "Oh, sorry--I didn't think you were serious."

Then they laughed together, which felt even better. 

-o-(O)-o-

Ginny went to Severus's home alone later--she said she needed to talk to Severus and get potions from him--Harry wanted to go, but Ginny refused to allow it ("But I want to talk to him about you, Harry, and you know how awkward that will be if you're standing _right there_ ," she'd said), but she somehow wrangled it so that Neville came over while she was with Severus. 

She called it a hostage exchange, but Harry wasn't sure who the hostages were in the situation.

This was quite embarrassing for Harry. "I think she just wants you over here to babysit me," he told Neville.

"Rough day?"

"I'm--er--I'm not so good with adversity, it turns out."

Neville laughed at him. "You tell yourself that, Harry."

"How are you holding up?" Harry asked.

Neville shrugged. "I thought I'd have longer with him, Harry. But I promised to stick with him in sickness and in health, so...I just don't want to waste any of the time we have left on regrets."

"That's very...mature."

"Yeah, and it's very easy to say, it turns out. Doing it is not so much."

"I'm sorry," Harry said, because he didn't know what else to say.

Neville shrugged again. "You know what I'm really glad about? I'm glad I killed that fucking snake."

Harry blinked at him. "You did," he said in wonder. "You did; I'd forgotten."

"I did. Cut its fucking head off with the Sword of Gryffindor, actually. I reminded Severus of that fact just a few days ago."

Harry laughed. "Bet he loved that. You are a big bloody hero, Neville,"

"I just wish I had said something cool as I swung the sword."

"Didn't you?" Harry asked.

"Nah, I think I just screamed in mindless rage."

"Only I could have sworn I heard you yell, 'This is for Severus!'"

Neville snorted inelegantly. "Yeah, 'My past Boggart and my future husband!'"

"That was it. I remember thinking it was odd when you said it, but..."

"Yes, well, you were always oblivious."

They giggled like schoolboys. 

The rest of Neville's visit was pleasant enough; they played Gobstones with Jamie, and Harry didn't have another panic attack. Of course, they weren't playing Exploding Snap, and they weren't talking about anything important, but still. It felt good for Harry to interact with another human being without falling apart. 

When Ginny came home, she informed Harry and Neville there would be one more hostage exchange that night. "Harry, you're going to spend tonight on Severus's couch. Neville, our sofa is your sofa."

"Yep," Neville said easily.

"Wait," Harry said. "Did you plan this?"

Neville shrugged and pulled an overnight bag out of his pocket and unshrank it. 

"I have to go to work tomorrow! Neville has to go to work tomorrow!"

"I have an off period first thing, so there's no real hurry." And then Neville excused himself to the loo.

Harry felt anger prickling behind his eyes. He rounded on Ginny. "Was this Severus's idea? Or yours?"

Ginny looked tired. "Potter...Harry. You need to talk to Severus. He needs to talk to you."

"That doesn't require a sleepover!"

"It probably won't be a quick conversation," Ginny said reasonably.

Harry tried to project a calm, rational tone. "I have responsibilities, Gin, and I can't just hare off for a night just because--"

"Harry!" Ginny yelled, then pulled back to a calmer tone. "You're falling apart. I have been creeping among the pixies all day, trying not to set off another panic attack. You're scaring Jamie. You're not fit to go to work tomorrow. I'll send an owl for you if you don't want to. You need to take care of yourself."

Harry fired up. "I'm fine! Stop treating me like a child!"

Jamie started crying on cue; Ginny shot Harry an exasperated look. 

This did not improve Harry's mood. "I'm staying here tonight," he said stubbornly. He wasn't sure why he didn't want to see Severus. Maybe he just didn't want to be ordered around by Ginny. Maybe he didn't have anything to say to Severus.

"He wants to see you, Harry," Ginny said quietly. 

"Maybe I don't want to see HIM!" Harry roared, and turned to storm out of the room. 

But he was stopped short by Severus standing in the doorway. Harry's heart stuttered.

"You wound me, Potter," Severus said snidely.

At least Ginny looked surprised to see Severus as well, but she recovered more quickly. "Severus, hello."

"Good evening again, Ginevra." 

Harry wanted out of the room, but Severus didn't move from the doorway. Ginny excused herself quietly, and Severus moved aside to allow her to leave. Harry backed up a few steps unconsciously and looked down. 

"Can you hear me, Potter?" Severus said.

"Of course I can hear you," Harry sniped, but he couldn't bring himself to even look at Severus.

"Potter..."

"Just say what you're going to say, please."

Harry jumped when Severus touched his shoulder. "Don't touch me," he said, and shrugged away. 

But Severus grabbed both of his shoulders, and put his arms around Harry and pulled him close.

It was so surreal that Harry didn't react for a bit. Then he tried to push Severus away. "Get off, what are you doing?"

"I'm told it's called a 'hug.'"

"Well, stop it!" Harry said, and kept pushing. Somewhat to his surprise, Severus let go and backed up.

"I thought it was a rubbish idea, anyway," he said. "But I must warn you, my only other idea involves slapping you around a bit."

"That would fit the pattern better, anyway," Harry said acidly.

"Oh, stop being so melodramatic," Severus said as he sat down. "We do need to talk, and you don't seem amenable. What option do I have left?"

"You could just leave," Harry said.

"I'll be doing that soon enough," Severus said darkly.

"Oh, stop it. Who's being melodramatic now?"

Severus conceded the point. 

"What's there to talk about, anyway? You're dying. I'm upset. The end. Did you want to talk about my feelings for a bit? Or would you rather talk about your feelings?"

Severus smirked at Harry, which was a bit disconcerting. "I actually thought that you could sleep on my couch, have a nightmare, and then you could have a nice little cathartic cry and clear the air, and then we would both walk away feeling better about our lot in life."

"Oh, of course, one nightmare and one weep should solve everything! I don't know why I didn't think of it before!"

Severus held up his hands. "I admit that it seemed like a better plan before I articulated it. Anyway, it worked for you after the war."

"Severus, please leave my home."

"No, not now that I've seen what your problem is." Severus gave him a level look. "You've dealt with death, but not with dying."

Harry didn't even know what that meant. "That makes no sense." He closed his eyes and rubbed his face. When he opened his eyes, Severus was still on the sofa. "That sounds like something Dumbledore would say," Harry elaborated.

But Severus, instead of taking offense like Harry had somehow hoped he would, just laughed. "Merlin help us all, it did, didn't it? But it's true: you've known people who have died, but you've never known someone who is dying, and you don't know what to do with it."

"Severus, I don't want to talk right now."

"Harry, I'm worried about you."

Harry snorted. "That seems out of character."

"True, but you have finally worn me down. I've accepted you as the son I never wanted."

For reasons that Harry couldn't fathom, this enraged him. He tried to keep his voice calm as he asked, "Are you going to leave or not?"

"Not, I think," Severus said with a smirk.

Harry couldn't stand another moment. He Disapparated. 

One should never Disapparate without a firm destination in mind. Harry remembered that a few moments too late as he stood in a dark street and made sure he had all his important bits still attached. Luckily, he seemed mostly in tact. And the rush of fear he felt at finding himself in an unfamiliar place and possibly dismembered did, at least, serve to diminish his anger somewhat. 

But only somewhat. He shoved his hands in his pockets and walked down the street, hoping for some clue about where he'd ended up. 

"Oh, shit," he said, as he came closer to the town square, and saw a disturbingly familiar war memorial in front of him. 

Godric's Fucking Hollow. 

He turned and, yes, right there was the church with the graveyard. His subconscious mind had a sick sense of humor. Feeling angry again, he marched into the graveyard. He may as well take the opportunity to give his actual parents a piece of his mind.

-o-(O)-o-

III. SEVERUS

\o\\(O)/o/

"It was a bit early to be joking about Harry being unwanted, I think," Neville said from the doorway to the Potters' sitting room.

Severus sniffed, but didn't acknowledge Neville's wisdom. Ginevra stood behind Neville; Severus addressed himself to her. "Where do you think he's gone?"

Ginevra shrugged. "I think he's gone to get away from you."

Severus had so been enjoying their role reversal. He could remember a time when he couldn't shake Potter's company; when Potter made himself at home in Severus's sitting room; when Potter had wanted Severus to talk about his problems. He was annoyed that Potter changed the rules--Disapparating from his own sitting room seemed extreme. And unfair. 

He wanted to make a cutting comment about Potter's immature behavior, but what came out of his mouth sounded more like, "Will he be okay?"

Ginevra gave him an incredulous look. "No," she said. "Not soon, anyway."

Severus felt panged by this. "I--didn't mean--"

Ginevra cut him off. "It's not your fault, Severus."

"It's not... _all_ your fault, Severus," Neville said. "But I think we should be leaving."

"But--Harry--" 

"Harry will have to come to you in his own time," Neville said calmly, and took Severus's hand. "He's obviously not ready tonight."

"Thanks, Neville," Ginevra said. "And thanks for trying, Severus."

He felt like he was being dismissed before he'd finished his job. "Yes," he said vaguely, but Neville had tugged him to his feet and was already leading him toward the kitchen fireplace.

\o\\(O)/o/

Harry's extreme behavior made no sense to Severus. And he couldn't come up with an explanation, either. 

Harry was a Gryffindor, and therefore prone to periods of pique--but so was Neville. And Neville was obviously handling everything better than Harry. Harry was young--but Neville was the same age, almost exactly so. 

And Harry had always wanted to talk about his feelings before. Severus had convinced himself that Harry would stop by the next day--and when he didn't, Severus thought it would be the day after that. 

On Wednesday evening, there was an unexpected knock on the door, but it was only Draco and Astoria. Severus tried not to let his face fall when he saw them, but Draco frowned at him.

"Expecting someone else?" Draco said.

"Perhaps," Severus said, but he invited them in, anyway. They settled down along with Neville in the sitting room. The purpose of their visit was to inform him that they, too, were pregnant. Neville grinned hugely and offered his congratulations, but Severus looked sharply at Astoria. "That seems foolhardy," he said.

Draco and Astoria looked at each other. "We can't live our lives in fear," Astoria said. "Especially fear of dying--that's the stupidest thing anyone can do, since it's the one thing we can all guarantee will happen. All we can do is decide how we live. And Draco and I have decided that having a baby is an important thing in our lives."

She looked at Severus, as if daring to defy her. Draco kept his eyes on her, quiet and proud and tender. 

"What do you think about it, Draco?" Severus asked.

Draco looked at Severus and set his jaw. "We want to name our son Scorpius Severus, in honor of you."

Severus looked at Neville, who started to giggle. 

Draco misread Neville's reaction and got a little defensive. "It's maybe not the most melodious of names, but the more you say it, the more stately it sounds."

"No," Neville said, turning beet red. "It's a fine name, stately and all that. But..." He trailed off and looked at Severus.

Severus said, "Harry and Ginevra have already decided to name their new son 'Albus Severus.'"

Draco looked like he'd smelled a fart. "That plonker is always stealing my best ideas."

"He steals them before you have them, it would seem," Severus said. "In any case, I can imagine an entire generation of young wizards, all with the middle name 'Severus.' It would be more than a token if a few of them had it as their first name, but it is a terrible name, and people are only willing to go so far to honor me."

Draco rolled his eyes. "Maybe people are saving that honor for after your death."

Severus looked at Neville again; Neville reached out and squeezed his hand. "Speaking of my inevitable death, I have something I've been meaning to tell you two," Severus said lightly. "My death is more inevitable than most, it would seem."

Draco and Astoria looked gutted. They asked questions and got answers, and they each hugged Severus and Neville. They all cried a little bit, and Severus hurriedly wiped his tears when he thought they weren't looking. 

Astoria pulled herself together first. "Just to be clear, Severus," she said seriously, "We have no intention of naming our son 'Severus Scorpius.'"

Severus laughed shakily. "Indeed not. Travesty of a name, that."

The Malfoys didn't stay much longer. In fact, they left early enough that it was conceivable that Potter might still show up. But he didn't.

Thursday night, Severus had a terrible dream about Potter. It was bad enough that Friday morning, Severus Floo called the Burrow, hoping that he would get news on Potter's mental state, but secretly hoping that he might accidentally see Potter himself. After all, Severus couldn't be blamed if he just happened to see Potter somewhere--it wasn't like he had Flooed the Potter home, or anything. 

He was surprised that Arthur was still at home, and was invited to Floo on over.

Severus did, and had a very disturbing conversation with Arthur and Molly. It seemed that Harry had been going to work all week long, but had had a bad panic attack in the Ministry atrium just the day before, and had accidentally hexed three people who tried to help him ("They touched him, because they didn't know, and Harry just reacted") but Arthur just happened through before it got worse and was able to calm Harry down enough to get him somewhere safer. But Harry had been put on administrative leave. 

"Where is he now?" Severus asked. 

"He's at home," Molly said. "Ginny is with him--Jamie is staying with us--he's still upstairs asleep, actually."

"I've--I've been told that Harry will come to me when he's ready," Severus said.

Molly bit her lips. "Harry is a bit of a special case."

Severus buried his face in his hands. "I don't even know what that means."

Arthur patted his shoulder. "You're a bit of a special case yourself, you know. You and Harry will figure it out. You always do."

"Sometimes it takes longer than others. And I don't have as much time as I once did." He looked up at Arthur. "He wouldn't even look at me the last time I tried to talk to him."

"He can be difficult." Arthur said.

"He Disapparated out of his own sitting room, just to get away from me."

"He can be very difficult," Molly agreed. 

"Wumpa Seb!" Jamie called from the stairs, and ran over to Severus's lap. Severus dutifully picked him up and Jamie hugged him freely. 

"Jamie hugs," Severus mumbled.

Jamie pulled back and grabbed at Severus's cheeks. "What do you think you're doing?" Severus asked him.

"Hey Pottah ishad."

Severus looked at Molly. "'Harry Potter'?" he asked.

"I keep telling Ginny to stop calling him that around Jamie, but she doesn't listen."

Severus turned back to Jamie. "Harry Potter _is_ sad."

"Wumpa Seb ishad?"

"Grandpa Sev is _morose_ , boy, get it right."

"Wumpa Seb moshe?" Jamie said, and squeezed at Severus's chin.

"Correct."

Jamie hugged him again. Severus hugged him back, but got an unmistakable whiff of unwashed boy. He winced and readjusted slightly. "I'm getting better, though," Severus said quietly.

\o\\(O)/o/

Friday afternoon, when Neville came back from Hogwarts, he brought Minerva with him.

"Severus, you fool," she greeted him, "when were you going to tell me about your condition?"

He glanced at Neville, who shrugged apologetically. "I'm sorry, Severus, but she asked me what was bothering me, and I unloaded on her."

Severus turned to Minerva and kept his face blank. "Minerva, hello. My name is Severus and I have a bad case of mortality. This is my husband, Neville, who is coming to grips with it."

"It's so unfair, Severus."

"Life is unfair to everyone, Minerva--that keeps things even."

Minerva frowned at him deeply. He was suddenly worried she would cry, but then she spoke. "This year the Gryffindor team is so _good_ , and _young_ , and they're going to be good next year, and I'm--I'm going to be stepping down from my Head of House duties after this year--"

"What?" Severus said, shocked.

"I'm slowing down, Severus--and I don't know if you've noticed, but Gryffindor house requires a certain amount of...vigor--and here I thought Neville would be a perfect replacement--"

"What?" Neville said, shocked.

"It's true, you're so good with the students, Longbottom, but my perfect plan was for you to take the Quidditch Cup, won by Gryffindor, and rub Severus's face in it for at least the next fifty years." She actually wiped tears out of the corners of her eyes. "You make my vengeance seem so petty, Severus, and I hate you for it." She sat down on the sofa. "Well?" she demanded. "Fetch me some tea, lad, or something stronger if you've got it!"

"I'll...get you something," Neville said, and left the room.

"So," Minerva said, as Severus just stared at her. 

"Minerva," Severus whispered. "Will you watch over Neville? Make sure he doesn't pull too far inside himself?"

Minerva looked at him for a long time. "In my quiet moments, Severus, I allow myself to be terribly fond of you. You should know that. And I'm always fond of Neville--of course I'll take care of him. I was quite serious about him taking over for Head of House."

"Have you spoken with Pomona about that?"

"Naturally. She thinks it's a wonderful idea. Of course, in her quiet moments, she's terribly fond of everyone."

Severus laughed, and then laughed some more. Neville walked in, carrying a tea tray. "What's so funny?" he asked.

"Hufflepuff jokes," Severus said. 

"Oh! I heard one just the other day," Neville said. "A Ravenclaw, a Slytherin, and a Hufflepuff are stranded on a desert island. They find a genie in a lamp, and the genie says, 'Well, ordinarily I give one person three wishes, but since all three of you freed me, I'll give each of you one wish.'

"The Ravenclaw steps forward and says, 'Well, I really miss the libraries and museums of my home. I wish I were back there.' Poof! The Ravenclaw disappears, back to her home by the libraries and museums. Then the Slytherin steps forward and says, 'I miss my old job in the government, making deals and helping people. I wish I were back at the Ministry.' Poof! The Slytherin disappears, back to her old job at the Ministry of Magic.

"Finally, the Hufflepuff steps forward. 'Well gosh,' he says, 'I sure miss that Ravenclaw and that Slytherin.' Poof! They're back."

Minerva laughed, but Severus groaned. "That's so old," he said. 

A silence fell, and Severus felt uncomfortable with it. He desperately tried to think of something to say before someone said anything awful, but he couldn't remember any more Hufflepuff jokes. There was one about a Hufflepuff walking into a pub--

"How is Harry doing?" Minerva asked. 

\--too late. And how did she think Harry was doing? "He's making good decisions and showing great emotional stability."

"What?" Minerva said, sounding genuinely confused.

Neville rolled his eyes. "Severus is trying to say that as a subject, Harry is off the table."

"That poorly, is he?" Minerva said.

Severus glowered; Neville shrugged. "We're not sure how to help him, actually."

"Poor Harry."

"Yes, poor, _poor_ Harry Potter--my death is _so sad_ for him, I don't know how he'll stand the loss."

"Stop it, Severus," Neville said sharply, which surprised Severus. He'd been trying to needle Minerva, and also he was angry at Potter for making such a spectacle of himself when Neville was carrying himself with such decorum. 

Neville turned back to Minerva. "As I said, Harry is off the table."

Minerva looked chastised. "Is there anything I can do for you?"

"I may need an ear, now and then," Neville said.

"Well, luckily I've got two of those, and two shoulders. Whenever you need them, Neville."

"Can you tell Pomona?" Neville asked.

"Of course. Severus, what about you? Do you need anything?"

He needed to knock some sense into Harry. "Nothing, Minerva," he said.

\o\\(O)/o/

Then the weekend came and went, with no sign of Harry. 

Sunday evening, as Severus sat in his wing-back chair, morosely waiting for Harry, Neville knelt down in front of him and took his hands. "You want to talk about it?" Neville said. 

Severus scowled at him. 

Neville squeezed his hands. "You've been moping for a full week, you know."

"That makes my melancholy sound so undignified," Severus sniffed. 

"You're worried about Harry."

"I'm worried about you. I'm confused about Harry."

"How so?"

"Neville," Severus started, and stopped. "How are you?"

Neville huffed a laugh. "I'm fine, Severus, how are you?"

"I'm dying," Severus said. "Why aren't you more upset by that?"

Something unidentifiable crossed Neville's face. "I think I'm sufficiently upset by it, actually."

"But you--" Severus squeezed his hands. "You're fine."

Neville squeezed back. "I'm not crying or yelling right now." He shrugged. "I'm also putting on a brave front for your benefit."

"You don't have to do that," Severus said, and meant it.

Neville smiled softly at him, and leaned up and kissed him. "It's maybe a little bit for my benefit, too," he said. 

Severus had to look away. 

"Hey, now," Neville said. "No hiding."

Severus looked back at him. "You...you're a good person, Neville Longbottom."

Neville smiled, but tried not to. He smiled without any teeth. "It's very mature for you to admit that, Severus Snape."

"I've come a long way," Severus said, not really joking.

"I know," Neville said, and Severus knew he wasn't joking either.

They kissed again, slow and familiar. When they broke apart, Severus sighed. 

"So, about Harry," Neville said.

"He's just not very reasonable."

"Do you remember Harry's owl?" 

Severus frowned at the change of subject, but Neville continued. "When we were in school, he had that snowy owl, named Hedwig." 

"Ah, yes, very distinctive bird. Flashy. It made me hate him a little bit more."

"Everything made you hate him a little bit more. Did you know that was Harry's first ever birthday present? Hagrid bought her for him, when he was eleven. He once told me that when he went to stay with the Muggles, Hedwig was his only friend there. Do you know what happened to her?"

Severus felt a thrill of foreboding. "No," he admitted quietly.

"She took a curse while he was trying to escape Death Eaters. He saw her die. And he's never told you that story, has he?"

Severus frowned deeply. "How do you know what happened?"

"I asked him. Do you want to know why he never told you?"

"Because I never asked?" That didn't make sense. Harry shared things; when things made him sad, he talked about them. 

"Because if Harry were to list the most terrible things he lived through, witnessing his familiar's violent death _doesn't even register_. Hedwig's death wasn't even the worst thing he endured _that night_. Does that give you some perspective?"

It did, actually. "He's...he's lost a lot."

"He's lost _a lot_ , Severus. And he keeps loving people, anyway. Harry has lost, and lost, and lost, and then he found you after the war was over, and he loved you. And things seemed stable for a few years, but now he's losing you, too."

When Neville said it like that, it made Severus feel badly for Harry. 

At that moment, the Floo flared. Severus scrambled up, nearly pushing Neville out of the way, but managed to help him to his feet.

But it was only Ginevra. "Severus, Neville, I'm so glad you're home. Can I come through?"

"Sure," Neville said.

Ginevra wasted no time. As soon as she was through the Floo, she started talking. "Severus, I don't know what to do. Harry is...having a bad time of it. He's not sleeping as much as he should, and he's been having nightmares. I...I tried to sleep at the Burrow last night, because I'm just so tired, and Jamie's been sleeping over there since this started...anyway, so Ron spent the night with Harry, but Harry had another nightmare, and when I wasn't there, he...he had a pretty bad panic attack. It scared Ron, and you know Ron's seen Harry pretty bad before, so..."

"Who's with him now?" Neville asked. 

"Hermione and Ron," Ginevra said. "We had to call a Healer last night--or I guess this morning--and she gave Harry a potion--I forget what she called it, but Harry is doped up right now."

"What can I do about it?" Severus asked bitterly. 

"I want you to come talk to him, if you're ready for it."

"If _I'm_ ready for it? You warned me to stay away, to let Harry come to me in his own time."

"Well, he's drugged. So he can't really come to you. But more importantly, he can't run away."

Severus considered this. "You fight dirty for a Gryffindor, Ginevra."

She looked back at him without blinking. "Only when I need to win, Severus."

\o\\(O)/o/

Potter was in his bedroom, sitting up in his bed. When Severus arrived, Ronald and Hermione were sitting on the other side of the bed, but they stood when Severus arrived.

"Severus," Hermione greeted. "I'm glad you came."

"Hm," Severus said. He looked at Ronald; the young man looked pale. "I'm told that Potter had a bad night."

"That's understating it a bit, yeah," Ronald said. 

Severus finally allowed himself to look at Harry. He looked quite calm; his eyes were heavy-lidded.

"Severus," Harry said. "They gave me a quite fucking potion."

"Of the Quite Fucking variety, was it?"

"Mm," Harry said.

Severus glanced at Ronald and Hermione. They nodded at him, then reached out and squeezed Harry's hands. "We're going downstairs, mate," Ronald said. "You have a nice chat with Severus, yeah?"

"He's mean," Harry said.

"He's always been mean," Ron said. "That much hasn't changed."

"We love you, Harry," Hermione said. "We'll just be downstairs, okay?"

"Yeah, love you too," Harry said.

After Ron and Hermione left, Severus studied Harry for a few moments. Harry blinked back at him lazily. "How do you feel?" Severus asked.

"Annoyed, actually. Kinda...floaty."

"Can I touch you?"

Harry shrugged minutely. "Sure."

Severus reached out, and pushed the hair out of Harry's face. Harry leaned into it, so Severus kept at it.

"Dad," Harry said, which Severus devoutly hoped was due to Harry's altered state. "M'dad's dead," Harry eventually elaborated, which made Severus feel better. "You're dead, soon."

"Soon," Severus said. "But not yet."

"No," Harry said. "Not yet. But soon." And then Harry curled up and started crying. 

Severus had never been comfortable with this. This...awkward standing by, waiting for Harry to stop crying.

"Not fair," Harry gasped. "Not fair, not fair, not fair."

And for once, Severus didn't chide Harry for that. Instead, he walked around the bed and sat down next to Harry. He waited for the fit to pass.

"I know life isn't fair," Harry eventually sniffed. "But sometimes it's a lot less fair."

"Hm," Severus said. 

"You know, you're like a father to me?"

"That is just...a crushing indictment on every father figure you ever had."

"Am I like a son to you?"

Severus crossed his arms and studied Harry for a bit. "I suppose you remember that summer at Grimmauld Place." 

"After the war, yeah."

"I don't--I don't remember how long we had been there, but I had a nightmare one night." Severus closed his eyes--the dream had been so horribly vivid. "It was the Dark Lord--Voldemort--probing my mind, and he said that I thought of you like a son. 'You think of Harry Potter like a son,' he said, and in the dream, I denied it, because I had to, but I knew it was over. The Dark Lord had found me out.

"You woke me up from that nightmare--you got me a glass of water, and you stayed with me until I felt human again." He looked over at Harry, who was watching him almost warily. 

"You, Harry Potter, are the only child of my first friend. I spent my entire adult life protecting you and guiding you. You have infuriated me, you have defied me, you have flouted my rules, and I have hated you. But yes, I have loved you as a son."

"Good," Harry choked out. And then Harry surprised Severus by crawling into his lap and hugging him like a child would. 

Severus wrapped his arms around Harry, and it wasn't as awkward as it should have been. "We'll just blame this on the quite fucking potion, shall we?"

"What's your excuse, then?" Harry mumbled.

"You are mentally disturbed, Harry. I'm just trying not to make any sudden movements and startle you."

"You love me."

"Of course I love you, you absolute numpty."

"I love you too. I don't want you to leave."

"I'm not dying to spite you, you know."

Harry buried his face in Severus's shoulder. "I keep thinking that I really did see you die that night, and I didn't--"

Severus pushed Harry's face away, and held it so that Harry looked at him. "Harry, you saw me _live_. Before that night...I _survived_ , I did what had to be done. After...after that was when I _lived_ , when I started to do things that were unnecessary."

"You opened your heart."

Severus rolled his eyes. "How hopelessly trite you are, Potter."

"Opening you heart is not unnecessary."

"As it turns out, it is. Let that be an object lesson for you."

Harry sniffed. Then stiffened. "It's sort of weird, me sitting in your lap, isn't it?"

Severus again wrapped his arms around Harry, more tightly this time. "Hush, you. My son needs comfort."

Harry laughed. "Stop it," he said, pushing at Severus.

Severus ran a hand down Harry's face. "My little baby Harry is sad," he said.

Harry twisted away from Severus's lap, laughing. "Stop it, you tosser."

Severus still had a grip on Harry's wrist. "Stop it, you tosser," he repeated back in a baby voice. 

"Your parenting skills are crap," Harry said, but he was still laughing.

"And yet they have improved through the years."

Harry sobered quickly. "What will I do without you?"

"You'll mourn. You'll raise your kids. You'll love your wife. You'll have the help of Molly and Arthur, and the support of the entire Weasley clan, I'm sure. But I have a more important question."

"What's that?"

"How will you spend the next few months? Will you avoid me because I'm dying?"

"Would you let me?"

"Of course; it would be a blessed reprieve at the end of my life."

"Liar. You love me. You'd miss me."

"Pish. I'd focus on Jamie. He's my grandson, you know, and he's a lot less complicated than you."

"He won't remember you," Harry said, and looked away.

"And _there's_ your inner pessimist," Severus groaned. "Potter. I will say this once, and if you repeat it to anyone I will deny it and hex you. Are you ready?"

Potter nodded.

"Jamie will remember being loved," Severus said.

"Horse shit," Harry said quietly. 

"Well, you'll come around."

"I wish Albus Severus could get to know you."

Severus laughed at the thought that suddenly occurred to him. "At least he'll get to know some of my namesakes. Did I tell you yet that Draco and Astoria are expecting a son? Scorpius Severus."

Severus waited for the impact of that to hit Harry. But all Harry said was, "That wanker." Then he sighed. "He and Al will probably be the best of friends, just to spite all of us."

"That is, I admit, my dearest wish."

Harry looked at Severus. "I love you, Severus. I just..."

"I know, Harry," Severus said. And the funny thing was, he did. 

\o\\(O)/o/

IV. ALBUS SEVERUS POTTER

*o*(O)*o*

To Albus Severus Potter:

I'm sure your father has told you about me; I'm equally certain he made me into some sort of kindhearted hero. It's possible your mother has told you about me; if so, she probably told you I was a surly bastard.

You should listen to your mother.

I wish that you could somehow let me know that everything worked out for you. I want for you to be happy, I want for you to be close to your parents, I want you to be surrounded by people who love you. But these things make me seem overly sentimental, and I wouldn't want you to get that impression. 

I had intended to tell you about myself, but my life story is a catalogue of mistakes and regrets. 

I'd rather like to tell you about your father, but you've lived with him. I imagine that he's overprotective, and never gives you the space you feel you need. 

But you deserve to know how you came to have my name. So.

Your father was the son of my childhood best friend, Lily Evans. Lily married the biggest bully in our year, James Potter. I hated James. James and Lily were murdered by a man--a man I supported, actually, right up until he murdered Lily. Harry, your father, survived the attack, even though he was an infant at the time. Then Harry was whisked away to live in the Muggle world, and I tried not to give him a thought until he showed up at Hogwarts at the age of eleven. I was teaching Potions back then, so I was your dad's professor. Harry looked just like his father, and I hated him. Merlin, I hated him.

We could talk about misplaced blame, and my own feelings of guilt, and the fact that I never had the patience to teach children in the first place--but that comes rather too close to my extensive catalogue of mistakes and regrets, and I'm better now and I don't like to dwell.

So, the years passed, and the man who killed your blood grandparents came back into power, and I was deeply involved in all the intrigue, as was your father, even though he was still a child.

He was a child. Even at the end, he was only 17--legally of age, but not what anyone would call an adult. He may not have told you everything he went through--I'm not sure it makes for a good bedtime story--but your father endured a lot, and he did it when he was very young. Now that I'm able to look back on his experience without hatred, I can admire him. 

Don't tell him that, if he's still alive.

I hope he's still alive.

At the end of the war, I was murdered and your father was murdered. The murders didn't take, for varied reasons. And because your father is the man he is, from that moment on, he stuck to me like glue. Albus Severus, no matter what your father tells you, please know this: I had nothing in common with Harry Potter. No matter; I couldn't get rid of him. 

Here's what I learned from your father: there is no such thing as deserving love or not deserving love. You just have to give love, and hope you get it in return. And if you don't, keep giving it anyway. You'll lose sometimes, and it hurts. Just keep loving people. 

You are named, incidentally, for two people who were very bad at this lesson. Your father loved us both, anyway. 

So, I need to let you know a few things. You can come back from mistakes, but you have to quit making them first. Loving other people is a good thing. And I'm sorry you have such a terrible name--I really tried to talk your father out of it.

It's overwrought, but I really do wish you the very best, Albus Severus. I wish I had got to know you. ~~I hope you Sort Slytherin. I hope you Sort Slytherin and play Quidditch and beat the snot out of Neville Longbottom's stupid Gryffindor team.~~

Affectionately,  
Severus Snape

*o*(O)*o*

The letter came to Al in the post on his twentieth birthday. It came with a picture that he'd seen before, of course--in it, Severus Snape held a baby with messy black hair--Al knew it was him--and a very young-looking Neville stood behind them. Severus never once looked up from the baby, and Neville alternated between kissing Severus's hair, touching Albus's head, and laughing at the camera. 

Al had never got a letter from Severus Snape before, which wasn't odd, really, but it seemed sort of odd that the first one he ever got was on his twentieth birthday. The handwriting was narrow, and very slanted, and nothing like his father's or his mother's. 

Scorpius came over that evening, along with Mr. Malfoy, because they were going over to Al's parents' house for his birthday dinner. 

Al wanted to ask Scorpius about the letter, but several things held him back. First of all, Mr. Malfoy was there--and Al liked Mr. Malfoy, of course he did, he was a Slytherin and therefore seemed more like family than Al's own mother and father sometimes--but the letter was far too personal to talk about in front of him. Also, Scorpius should have gotten a letter from Severus Snape, too--if the letter really was from Severus Snape--because Scorpius was Scorpius Severus after all, and fair is fair--but the tone of the letter made Al feel like...like Scorpius didn't get one like it. 

And finally, there were a lot of things in the letter about his dad. And he wasn't sure he was ready to share that with anyone, yet. Al loved his dad, but his dad was...his dad. And Al kind of hated him. 

His mum said that was normal. It made his dad really sad, which made Al kind of hate him a little more. 

So, as they left to go to his parents' house, Al put the letter in his pocket. Jamie greeted them at the fireplace. 

"Happy birthday, Al," Jamie said, and gave him a one-armed, perfunctory, brotherly hug. 

"Jamie," Al said quietly. "Did you ever get a letter from Severus Snape?"

"What?" 

Al repeated the question, and Jamie shook his head.

"You met him, though, right?" Al said.

"Everyone tells me that, but I was just a baby."

And then Al was pulled into a bigger group of people. His mum and dad were there, and Lily of course, and then Jamie's girlfriend, and to Al's great relief, Neville and Hannah. 

_Neville_. He could talk to Neville. He could always talk to Neville. Neville was like his dad's much calmer brother, or something. When Neville had married Hannah, he'd chosen Al to stand up as his best man, even though Al had only been seven at the time. And he'd never treated Al like a kid, or like his problems were stupid. 

Plus, he'd known Severus Snape. He would recognize the handwriting, and be able to tell Al if the letter really was from Severus Snape.

Dinner was nice. Al found that he actually enjoyed himself, but Neville and Hannah got up to leave first. Al stood with them. "Neville, I wanted to ask you about something, actually."

"Sure, Al. Did you want to talk now, or do you want to finish up here and Floo over to ours later?"

This, _this_ , was why Al liked Neville so much. He didn't make things into a big deal, but he did make time. "Later works for me," Al said with a smile. "If that's okay."

"Wouldn't've offered if it wasn't okay. See you later, then."

*o*(O)*o*

And so it was that late in the evening on his twentieth birthday, Albus Severus Potter sat in Neville Longbottom's sitting room, talking about a letter from a dead man. 

"I _think_ it's from him," Al said, "but I can't be sure." He pulled the letter out of his pocket and showed it to Neville. 

Neville took it and read it. Al could tell from Neville's face that it was from Severus Snape--Neville's face went all soft and nostalgic. He "hm"-ed and chortled his way through it, laughing outright at the ending. 

"That letter is absolutely Severus Snape," Neville said. I didn't even know he wrote it; I don't know when he wrote it."

"How did he send it?"

"I've no idea. He may have invented his own spell to deliver it to you--that man invented more spells than I've forgotten." Neville smiled softly. "Did he send you anything with it?"

"Just the picture." Al gave him the picture of the three of them.

"Ah," Neville said. "I remember this." Neville touched the picture and laughed. "Do you know what Severus was saying just then? 'I think he's got my nose.' You can read his lips, there, if you try."

Neville handed the picture back to Al, and sure enough, he could see Severus's lips moving: 'I think he's got my nose.' Then Severus Snape's lips moved again, but Al didn't catch it. He waited for it to repeat. 'I think he's got my nose. Poor sod.'

Al laughed. 

"I'm just wondering," Neville said. "What _has_ your father told you about Severus?"

Al shrugged. "Not much. He was a Slytherin. He was brave. He was a spy and a hero. He died. I didn't know that he knew dad's mum."

Neville nodded. "He was a complicated man. Loving him was never easy, that's for sure."

"Really? I always kind of thought he was like the boy version of Hannah."

Neville laughed. "No. Merlin, no. Severus and Hannah are like...night and day. Slytherin and Hufflepuff, literally. When I told Harry I was dating Hannah, your dad said 'you're pretty eclectic, Longbottom.' I think of that all the time: 'you're pretty eclectic, Longbottom.'"

"What was he like?"

Neville smiled fondly at Al. "You really should ask your father."

Al scowled. "I've asked him before. He always shuts me down."

"When was the last time you tried?"

"I don't know, years ago."

"When you were a kid?"

"Probably."

Neville nodded. "Severus's death...it hit Harry hard, Al. He was...he was a mess. If you asked him--even a few years ago--about Severus, and if Harry didn't respond by falling over into a panic attack, well, I'd still say that he'd made amazing progress."

Al thought about that. His dad had more nightmares than anyone he knew. It used to scare him when he was younger. Severus had said in the letter...he'd said _nothing_ in the letter. He'd just...hinted. But he'd hinted at _a lot_. 

"Do you think..." Al said. "Do you think he could talk about it now?"

"Only one way to find out, I should think."

Albus smiled weakly. "One way," he said.

*o*(O)*o*

One week later, Al went over to his father's house with Severus Snape's letter in hand. He was sure Snape wouldn't mind--"Don't tell him I said that" was never put into print by a Slytherin unless that Slytherin really, really wanted you to tell him that.

"Hey Al," his father said. "Your mum's out right now."

"I know," Al said, and hesitated. Being resolved to have a conversation was not the same as wanting to have the conversation. "I...I came to talk to you."

"Really?" Al could tell that this made his father nervous, too. "What's up?"

"I...I got a letter. From Severus. Snape." He gave the letter to his father, who took it and held it very carefully. "And I have some questions for you."

His dad read the letter, and looked up at Al with shining eyes. "Let's sit down, yeah?"

"Yeah, okay," Al said.

*o*(O)*o*

FIN

/o/(O)\o\

**Author's Note:**

> SO, YOU MAY HAVE NOTICED >>>>> that I abandoned my numbering-titling-scheme. 
> 
> WHAT HAPPENED, WAS THIS >>>>> The story popped into my head, bro. I wrote it down, I came up with a title, whatever. The artistic process. Et cetera. 
> 
> I COULD HAVE NAMED IT >>>>> And Baby Makes Four. But that makes me throw up in my mouth a little bit.
> 
> DEATH'S MYTH?, YOU'RE WONDERING. DEATH'S MYTH? >>>>> It's an eggcorn. It fits my naming pattern, if not my titling pattern. Murph gets it. So mleh. 
> 
> SORRY, I HAVE A HABIT OF KILLING SNAPE >>>>> but I still love him. I just...have a messed-up way of showing it. [frowny face] [frowny face] [frowny face]


End file.
